Hopeless

If you've read previous posts, you've seen me say that I welcome hopeless attacks into protected territory as a learning experience. Well, maybe I don't any more. This morning's first game was against a 19k. I played really well (for me!) and managed to find myself ahead once all the borders were basically completed. Sigh. Take a deep breath. Relax. Then came a slew of white stones flying in on what were well-protected positions. "Oh, brother, this guy's a sore loser!" was my first thought. Immediately my disposition soured and I just wanted to get the game over with. Of course, what happens when you get ornery? You make stupid moves. And I made a bunch. Big loss.

He offered to play another and, despite the fact that I was still ornery and making relatively quick moves (I'm on tilt! I'm on tilt!), by the time the borders were completed I was ahead again by a decent margin. Of course, in flew the white stones, this time into even better protected areas. At that point, you could stick a fork in me, because I was done. I considered just resigning (as my IGS opponents might) but I played it out, made a bunch of stupid moves, and then resigned (while whining about how I need to improve my corner protecting if I'm going to play him again).

Now, all this just stinks. I didn't start off the day in all that great a mood, and go (which I play strictly for fun) has worsened my mood. This is bizarre to me. I can lose a few hundred dollars in poker and not think twice, but lose a couple games of go where I thought I was ahead? No way.

Now, get this. As it turns out, I wasn't actually ahead in the first game. Nor in the second game! So, I'm the sore loser and I'm the one who wasted a learning opportunity. Ouch.

I'm going back to play. :)